It's been a while!
Today is MRI day. I care not a jot that it's a scorching bank holiday weekend, as quite frankly I can't participate in the usual shenanigans as I'm still ..... let's call it incapacitated.
If you are in Suffolk you may have seen an amazing storm last night. The thunder and lightening did their dance for hours in spectacular fashion. There was no rain to wash the static away just a sound and light show. As I lay watching through the bedroom window I started thinking about the similarities to my sciatic issues and this storm.
With each flash and flare of the lightening I saw the flashing searing pain of my nerves screaming for release. With each growling rumble of thunder the deep resounding pain of bone and muscle desperately trying to carry out there function was what I saw.
I wanted there to be rain. For me the rain could have been the calming balm to everything. The washing away of the pain and ache.
There was no rain; not to cleanse the air nor to relieve my pain.
Pain is lonely.
When day after day after long day the company kept is the medicine cupboard and the will to smile and carry on.
Watching from the sidelines as everyday thing happen all around. Not anything special. Just the normal stuff that becomes to much to bear. When you begin to miss washing the dishes, just so you can stand and watch the bird table through the window, hanging the washing smiling at the fragrance of fresh clean linen you realise things aren't great. The most simple things I have taken for granted for so long, wonderful cuddling on the sofa watching a movie, playing ball in the garden with the little people, a quick walk to the shop for the forgotten carrots. All these normal everyday things have become the things I long to do.
The impact of long term pain on relationships is the hardest. I'm the luckiest woman alive to have the Husband and kids that I do. Without them this journey, and it is a journey, would be unbearable. But, when faced day to day with not being the wife, mum and nan I want to be or used to be before this nightmare began that where I struggle the most.
From the mental to the physical pain is destructive.
Never underestimate the power of pain.
The MRI is done. Now another wait.
There will be an end to this eventually.
Until then I'll keep on going.
There are no pictures in this blog. Close your eyes. Think of your storm. Like last nights Mother Nature spectacular it will pass.
Have you or are you living with Chronic pain? I'd love to hear your story.
Leave a comment below.
Please feel free to share this blog post, who knows it may help someone feel slightly less alone with their pain.